TORMENTOR HONORS CHAMP SIMONDS, TEARS FOLLOW
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—It was fitting that Mr. Robert Fermann, Mr. Jon Simonds’s longtime tormentor, presented him with the Theodore Strum Trophy. Mr. Fermann stated: “(Jon) is a man who has embodied the meaning of perseverance for all of us and holds the unshackled belief that if you persist long enough in pursuing your goals and remain true to your principles, you will eventually reach the Promised Land.” Pause. “It is my greatest honor to give you the owner of the 1952 BVL Champion Brooklyn Bruisers, Mr. Jon Simonds.” Old men started weeping. ¶ But the weeping didn’t stop there. Andy Villalba Jr. followed with the most emotional State of the BVL Union speech ever heard. This is what he said: “I remember when I joined the BVL. I was 16. The Mighty Diamonds were the best team. They were winners. That’s who I looked up to. I wanted to be a champion just like they were. I am now a father of two kids and have won my share of championships. It’s wonderful to see the younger generation coming into the league, taking over for us, and making sure the league is in great hands. Long live the BVL!” Mr. Robert Emrich commented, “This year’s package should have come with tissues.” Next year, they will: Yankee Hankees. ¶ The owners passed four proposals, including a revision to Pitcher Eligibility and Free Agency Compensation. To curtail early-season tanking, the Attendance Required! proposal received eight yes votes and one no vote, of course, New York’s. ¶ Brooklyn refused to offer Mookie Betts a max deal. Two other clubs did: New England and Jersey City (formerly LES). A d20 roll would decide Mookie’s new uniform. Hawks rolled an 8; Jersey City, 15. “Mookie will be moving in with me,” declared Mr. Julio Cabrera, “until we find him a place.” ¶ And the 1953 season begins.

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