FOYS WIN cano roll AT gathering of owners
DIVISION STREET, LES (April 30) -- Three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and Robinson Cano handling the second-base chores for the Banksville Bulldogs. That theory was proven false today at the 1945 BVL Owners Meeting. Mr. Cano will be in the Brick Church starting lineup. How could this happen? Failing to meet various deadlines last season cost owner Robert Fermann a record 96 shekels in fines. With little room under the Ted Williams Cap (406 shekels), there was no way Fermann could resign Cano. Angry Bulldog fans flooded the WFOY radio station the night before calling for his resignation. The Foys and champion New York Knights were the front-runners in signing the Bulldog star. Both clubs, financially healthy, offered identical deals. The dreaded 20-sided die was rolled to break the tie. Mr. Adam Goldberg let Mr. Jesus Diaz roll first. An unbeatable 20 resulted. Mr. Diaz celebrated with a lit cigar, certain Cano was his. (Mr. Cano homered in his first at-bat against New York in the season opener.) ¶ Besides Mr. Diaz, Fermann, and Goldberg, Mr. Pete Stratigakis (voted Best Dressed Owner), Mr. Dylan Simonds and Mr. Jon Simonds attended. The voice of Mr. Robert Emrich echoed from Texas through Skype. Mr. Andrew Villalba Sr. called in his picks from Las Vegas while his son, Mr. Andrew Villalba Jr., slept. ¶ Four free agents besides Cano switched clubs. Brooklyn signed catcher Yadier Molina away from Indianapolis. Toronto surprised many by signing Alex Gordon from LES. New York raided Brooklyn's middle infield (Elvis Andrus and Ian Kinsler). Cole Hamels stayed a New England Hawk by becoming the first 100-shekel player in history. He will receive 108s this year and next, and 72s in his 3rd year.
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