23RD STREET POST OFFICE BEHIND PLAYERS WALKOUT
BANKSVILLE, NY -- The great news spread like wildfire speeding uphill: the historic first walkout by the BVL players was over. Banksville boss Robert Fermann and players rep Mike Trout ended 13 days of strife through pleasant conversation. "All issues are settled," read the Banksville press release, "the players are now scrambling to get flights to their training campsites and, once in camp, to take their preseason physicals and get out on the diamond to get ready for the upcoming season." Players will depart from a Banksville post office Monday, April 13. A new date for the owners gathering has yet to be announced. A meeting occurring after May 10 results in a shortened season of 56 games. ¶ How did it come to this? The players had left the 23rd Street post office two weeks prior to the April 4 meeting. After a week of waiting, the Post Office Police was called; 5 calls to the DLO (Dead Letter Office in Atlanta, Georgia) were unanswered. Frustration built up. Without players to harangue, the owners went after each other like Romans. Mr. Emrich questioned the whereabouts of Bip; Mr. Simonds called Mr. Goldberg "a spy." When owners realized the players were on strike they smiled with tyrannical teeth. "We have to take a hard line stance with the players and not renegotiate with them," said Mr. Emrich. Mr. Jon Simonds chimed: "THE SCABS! BRING ON THE SCAAAABBBBSSS!" Young Dylan Simonds, hopeful as an April Sunday, predicted the cards were "coming tomorrow." They never do. ¶ "It's amazing how much you can get done when there's mutual respect," said Mr. Fermann. "There's no 'greedy owner' or 'scab' talk when Mike [Trout] and I sit down, and I show him the books. No games and no hiding the ball."
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